Putting others first,

When I grew up as women we are reared when the men were put first, as they were the main breadwinners at the time it made sense to make sure that they were taken care of. So when we were reared it was in service to others, not to speak out and I know I learned to bite my tongue. I am so glad it is a programme that we are overcoming slowly but surely and our children are learning to have and to use their voices.

When our children are born we are usually overwhelmed with love for our children or maybe we are just overwhelmed. I can remember vividly when my first was born. Full of raging hormones, battered and bruised ( well he was 5 kg) crying my eyes out because I knew there was no going back and feeling the responsibility for this human being and sure weren’t we grand before. I can smile now but at the time is was pretty intense.

Anyhow because our love goes to them primarily keeping them safe fed warm and yourself sane, the rest goes to husband /partner and home and when it is time to go back to work, we have to cope with the feelings of guilt as well as adjusting back to work where you no longer have the freedom you once had.

Maybe actually enjoying going back to work for some adult company and then feeling guilty for that!

This is ok for a while as you are happy to put your focus on those who are dependent on you, but as the years go on you find that the time you have for yourself is less and less. You value yourself less and less. Because you have guilt as a woman and mother particularly if you are working your spend your time working twice as hard to compensating to everyone for not being there all the time.

We were never meant to do it on our own, when we lived as part of tribes everyone took care of the children so it was never the whole responsibility of the mother solo to take care of everything.

The problem with taking care of everything that you put everything before you and your fit around everyone else. There can be a sense of achievement to keeping all the balls in the air but there comes a time when you will start to wonder why you are here if your only job is to juggle the balls and where is your life as a person, as a woman and as a human being.
There is a choice when you come to that stage, you can continue on knowing that you will continue to be miserable but comfortable in your misery ( yes indeed there is such a thing) or you can make changes in your life.

The magic is that you can change your life, you have that power. As someone who knows this process, I am well placed to help women navigate out of that feeling into one of joy happiness and fulfilment. Shedding guilt responsibility for others embracing fun, happiness, feminine power. It is our Divine right so let’s embrace it all together.

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